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I have an ant invasion going on in my backyard.
Whenever I go to Wal-mart I feel like a general assembling an arsenal. Reading the back of each can, like a briefing from your panel of Bio-Chem engineers who have designed these weapons of mass annihilation.
Things catch my eye like, “kills on contact.” I picture the ant writhing in pain as he burns up all over.
I choose which warheads I take back to the front with me and head home.
I decimate one colony after another. Only to find days later that some survivors must have escaped to make a new outpost. Oh how their struggle must be, but I am relentless. There can be no survivors.
I bomb yet another hill and another.
Each time I picture Air “Raid” Sirens blaring throughout the colony. Warrior ants assembling, ready for a futile counter assault. The mothers trying to protect their young larvae. I bomb outwards away from the colony, in an 18 inch radius. This was briefed by the scientists as the most effective method of insuring total annihilation.
Alas today, I find them marching in the house gathering supplies from the stores of cat food in the kitchen.
I look out back to see a massive colony has been built right under my nose. Was the war in the front sector merely a distraction? No, it can’t be. They have assembled a massive network of tunnels and bunkers in the rear sector. Using my own patio as a hardened bunker top.
However, to my evil glee I spot a weakness. A mound of sand, towering over the backyard right on the edge of the patio. It must be marvelous for them. A command center so huge and massive, they must have a view of the entire rear sector. Obviously this gives them complete tactical control of their forces. I am sure I have only a short amount of time to act, before the spread their influence through out the entire sector.
Now is the time, before they develop their sprawling outpost. I struck them this morning, regretfully it was not as massive as one could hope for in an initial attack.
My stores of Chemical rounds were low. I only had enough for a few rounds, detonating in an airburst configuration, at a low altitude above their sleepy mound.
It was just enough to dust the surface moderately. They must have been on overwatch, expecting such an attack. As soon as the first round burst overhead they immediately began scrambling to the surface. To my dismay, they did not die “on contact” as I had been briefed.
Though not dying they did not appear to be happy either. Round after round, I hit them until my stores were completely exhausted. I am sure this will only crush and maim their front line troops. But if my intelligences about the massive underground network of tunnels and bunkers beneath the patio are true, I am sure that this will not completely kill them.
It probably will only strengthen their resolve. For now, I feel a little more at ease knowing I have caused massive casualties upon them. It will have to be enough, until I can return to the Wal-mart armory.
Intel suggests that I should try a new, and different CHEMROUND. This one sounds extra devious – I like it. Apparently you are to drop this munition silently into their AO.
It is disguised as a massive food cache. The enemy will immediately seize the opportunity to feed their colony and drive on their war machine. However it is nothing more than a slow acting poison. Slow, so that they will have plenty of time to carry it back, deep into their colony. Taking it far, spreading it throughout their massive network, to all the young.
Hopefully above all they will take it to their queen, my arch nemesis. One can only hope for such Strategic Victory. This will crush the enemy completely in my sector.
If the new CHEMROUNDS don’t work this go around, I am ready to return to more barbaric methods used last year. I have been holding the CHRQL-LTR-FLD-450 (Napalm) Rounds on standby. Last year they seemed to be HIGHLY effective. Easy to prep, you just drop a few earth moving rounds directly into the Surface Bunker entrance and apply the Napalm rounds directly. I hold these on reserve because of the obvious collateral damage involved. However, in the end, no matter what the cost I am prepared to take all necessary steps to win this war.
General Smith, James
finally had a chance to read it again. awesome.
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